The Lie of ‘I’m Fine’: How to Stop Emotionally Numbing Your Truth
- Jen Simpson
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
When was the last time you told someone, "I'm fine," even though you were feeling anything but? This phrase, often thrown around casually, can serve as both a protective shield and a deceptive mask, hiding the deeper truths of our emotional state. In a society that rewards toughness and self-sufficiency, saying “I’m fine” often becomes code for “I don’t feel safe enough to be real.” In this blog post, we will unpack the phenomenon of emotional numbing, exploring how it protects us and how to gently thaw and reconnect with our genuine feelings.
When “Fine” Is a Mask
You say you’re okay, but deep down, you might be feeling exhausted, overstimulated, shut down, or even utterly unsure of what you are feeling. This is emotional numbing, a common response to trauma or overwhelming emotions. It is crucial to recognize that emotional numbing is not a sign of weakness but rather a protective mechanism that many of us employ. Imagine yourself at a social gathering overwhelmed by anxiety; you put on that mask and say, "I'm fine," while internally, you're silent and struggling.
We get so accustomed to wearing this mask that it can sometimes feel more comfortable than revealing our true emotions. However, this habit can hinder our personal growth and authentic connections. The need to maintain this façade often stems from the past experiences of being dismissed or ridiculed for expressing emotions.
Why We Numb
Emotional numbing can have deep roots; it's often tied to our early experiences. Some of the reasons we numb our feelings include:
Feelings were punished or ignored: Many of us learned early on that showing emotions could lead to negative consequences. As a result, we suppress them to avoid disapproval.
Being “too emotional” was unsafe: In some environments, expressing emotions might have led to ridicule or abuse, teaching us to hide rather than reveal.
No one taught you how to sit with pain: If your upbringing didn't involve healthy emotional expression, you might not have developed the tools to manage discomforting feelings.
Learned behaviors: Over time, a habit of shutting down feelings becomes ingrained, making it challenging to access our emotional truth later in life.
Numbing may feel like protection, but it often leads to disconnection from ourselves and others.
How to Reconnect Gently
Reconnecting with your emotional truth doesn't need to be an overwhelming process. Here are some gentle steps to thaw your emotional numbness:
Start with Sensation, Not Story
Kick-start your reconnection journey by focusing on your sensations instead of diving directly into emotions. Ask yourself: What do I feel in my body right now? Are there areas that feel hot, cold, tight, or even buzzing? Focusing on your physical sensations can ground you and open pathways to understanding your emotions without getting lost in stories or judgments.
Give Yourself Permission to Not Be Okay
It’s essential to acknowledge that sometimes, you are not fine. Allow yourself to express this truth. You can say it out loud: "I'm not fine. And that's okay." Embracing this statement can be liberating and helps you take the pressure off needing to appear strong or composed.
Let Your Feelings Come in Whispers
Start exploring your feelings gently. You can do this through journaling, movement, crying, or simply breathing. Allow feelings to trickle in before they flood your emotional landscape. By processing emotions in small doses, you prevent becoming overwhelmed.
Emotional Thawing Prompts
To help navigate your emotional landscape, consider the following prompts:
What do I usually feel underneath “I’m fine”? Reflect on the feelings you bury under the mask.
What is my body trying to say that my words won’t? Your body often holds clues to your emotional state that your mind may ignore.
What emotion have I been afraid to feel—and why? Recognize fears surrounding particular feelings and their roots.
These prompts can serve as entry points into a more profound exploration of your emotional truth.
Embracing Your Feelings Again
The process of reconnecting with your emotions is not a straightforward journey. There will be moments of doubt, fear, and nostalgia for the numbness you once used as armor. Yet it is essential to remember: you weren’t born numb; you were born to feel. The truth is that emotional expression is a fundamental aspect of being human.
As you embrace your feelings, you might find the road becomes less frightening. Emotions can foster authentic connections with yourself and others. When you allow yourself to feel, you open the door to vulnerability, which is the gateway to true intimacy and fulfillment in relationships.
By gently thawing and welcoming your emotions back into your life, you start to rediscover the vibrant colors of living authentically. No longer will you need to mask your feelings behind the veil of "I'm fine." Instead, you can express the rich spectrum of your emotional experience, fostering deeper connections with those around you.
Let the thawing of your emotions be like the first signs of spring after a long winter. Each sensation, feeling, and tear is a step closer to reclaiming your truth, piece by piece, feeling by feeling.
Your journey back to emotional honesty may not be easy, but it is certainly worthwhile. You are coming back to life.
Embrace the tender process of reconnection, recognize the value of your true feelings, and allow your life to blossom into its fullest expression.
